As the year is coming to a close many find themselves reviewing their successes and set-backs. Many are setting goals with high ambitions for the new year. Whether, you find yourself enjoying the process of goal setting or you are actually dreading it, I would like to offer a slight shift in the setting of goals for the New Year. A process that involves identifying your core values and offering yourself COMPASSION.
Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is offering yourself the same loving kindness you would a beloved family member or a good friend. Perhaps, you are quick to judge yourself. Notice how you speak to yourself. What is the tone? What is the story that plays in your head? For many, shame is a present emotion. Shame keeps you stuck. Shame encourages you to run, although you may find yourself running to something even more detrimental; something that actually does not align with your long-term desires. Shame leads you on a downward spiral. Shame fuels hopelessness. Lasting change cannot happen without self-compassion. Self-compassion does not mean you don’t set goals or you give up on improvement. It means you can love yourself and give yourself grace in the process of change and growth. And yes, even when, especially when, you may fall short.
So if 2022 did not go as you had hoped, if goals and hopes fell to the wayside; please offer yourself compassion.
Self-Compassion Statements For The Past Year:
“This is pain. This is part of the human experience.”
“This was not the year I had hoped for. May I offer myself compassion for this year.”
“May I find the micro-moments of joy this year.”
“May I celebrate my success.”
“I am not alone in feeling this way.”
“This makes sense to be feeling this way.”
“May I allow myself time to grieve.”
“It is OK to feel ___________.”
“I am inherently worthy. My worth is not dependent on my success or failures of this year.”
Core Values
There is a clear link between feelings of contentment and satisfaction and living in alignment with your core values. You may think of your core values as a guiding North Star. A direction to orient you when you may be off course. Feelings of anxiety, depression, frustration and resentment may increase when one is not living in accord with their core values.
Core Values May Include:
Creativity
Love
Service
Kindness
Justice
Humor
Spontaneity
Growth
Fun
Friendships
Family
Connection
Knowledge
Leadership
Peace
Health
Physical Activity
Loyalty
Work
Respect
Spirituality
Success
Wealth
Integrity
Adventure
Optimism
This list is in by no means all inclusive. Google core values and you will find many!
The key is to take the time to reflect what your core values are. These may change with various life transitions. You may find yourself wondering what your core values even are. That is OKAY!
Core Value Reflection Questions:
1. When was a time that you recall feeling most at peace, content or happy? What were you doing at that time? What may be different from then, verse your current situation?
2. What did you enjoy doing as a child that you no longer do?
3. Is there a part of you that you miss? What makes you feel alive?
4. What is sparks joy, passion, peace or curiosity?
5. What is something that you have always wanted to try? What adds depth and meaning to my life?
Reflect on your core values and choose 3-5 that you want to focus on for the new year. If you choose too many, than it is overwhelming and the significance is diminished. From your 3-5 core values evaluate how you could better live in alignment with those values. This guides you in setting your intentions and goals for the new year. The more you focus on living in alignment with your core values, the more naturally you will find yourself feeling increased joy, peace and at ease with your life.
Practice setting an intention that you repeat and place where you will see it daily.
For example, “Today I am ________.” Today I am going to try ___________.”
It is my hope as you reflect on the past year and plan for the new year you may offer your self compassion and grace. That you may work for future goals and desires by aligning yourself and living in accord with what you most value.
*Posts for educational purposes only. Not a replacement for a therapeutic relationship.
